In general, believed that emotional intelligence consists in striking a balance between excess and deficiency, too much and too little. Too much fear makes me a coward, too little makes me rash and foolhardy, taking unnecessary risks. The middle way is courage. There are, however, two exceptions, says sages: pride and anger. Even a little pride (some sages suggested “an eighth of an eighth”) is too much. Likewise even a little anger is wrong.
“The life of those who can’t control their anger is not a life,”
"When a person becomes angry, if he is a sage his wisdom departs from him; if he is a prophet his prophecy departs from him".
The sages were outspoken in their critique of anger. They would thoroughly have approved of the modern concept of anger management. They did not like anger at all, and reserved some of their sharpest language to describe it.
Sages said that when someone becomes angry it is as if he has become an idolater (Hilkhot Deot 2: 3).
The Orchot Tzadikim (15th century) notes that anger destroys personal relationships. Short-tempered people scare others, who therefore avoid coming close to them. Anger drives out the positive emotions – forgiveness, compassion, empathy and sensitivity. The result is that irascible people end up lonely, shunned and disappointed. Bad tempered people achieve nothing but their bad temper (Kiddushin 40b). They lose all else.
What is dangerous about anger is that it causes us to lose control. It activates the most primitive part of the human brain that bypasses the neural circuitry we use when we reflect and choose on rational grounds. While in its grip we lose the ability to step back and judge the possible consequences of our actions. The result is that in a moment of irascibility we can do or say things we may regret for the rest of our lives.
There is no “middle way” when it comes to anger. Instead we must avoid it under any circumstance. We must go to the opposite extreme. Even when anger is justified, we must avoid it. There may be times when it is necessary to look as if we are angry. That is what Moses did when he saw the Israelites worshipping the Golden Calf, and broke the tablets of stone.
Example:
“I have many questions to ask,” said the man, “but I am worried that you might become angry.” Hillel then robed himself and sat and said, “Ask all the questions you have to ask.”
I'll never become angry.
The best way of defeating anger is to pause, stop, reflect, refrain, count to ten, and breathe deeply. If necessary, leave the room, go for a walk, meditate, or vent your toxic feelings alone. It is said that about one of the Rebbes of Lubavitch(LAW) that whenever he felt angry, he would take down the Shulchan Arukh(Book of LAW) to see whether anger was permitted under the circumstances. By the time he had finished studying, his anger had disappeared.
The verdict of Anger is simple: Either we defeat anger or anger will defeat us.
“The life of those who can’t control their anger is not a life,”
"When a person becomes angry, if he is a sage his wisdom departs from him; if he is a prophet his prophecy departs from him".
The sages were outspoken in their critique of anger. They would thoroughly have approved of the modern concept of anger management. They did not like anger at all, and reserved some of their sharpest language to describe it.
Sages said that when someone becomes angry it is as if he has become an idolater (Hilkhot Deot 2: 3).
The Orchot Tzadikim (15th century) notes that anger destroys personal relationships. Short-tempered people scare others, who therefore avoid coming close to them. Anger drives out the positive emotions – forgiveness, compassion, empathy and sensitivity. The result is that irascible people end up lonely, shunned and disappointed. Bad tempered people achieve nothing but their bad temper (Kiddushin 40b). They lose all else.
What is dangerous about anger is that it causes us to lose control. It activates the most primitive part of the human brain that bypasses the neural circuitry we use when we reflect and choose on rational grounds. While in its grip we lose the ability to step back and judge the possible consequences of our actions. The result is that in a moment of irascibility we can do or say things we may regret for the rest of our lives.
There is no “middle way” when it comes to anger. Instead we must avoid it under any circumstance. We must go to the opposite extreme. Even when anger is justified, we must avoid it. There may be times when it is necessary to look as if we are angry. That is what Moses did when he saw the Israelites worshipping the Golden Calf, and broke the tablets of stone.
Example:
“I have many questions to ask,” said the man, “but I am worried that you might become angry.” Hillel then robed himself and sat and said, “Ask all the questions you have to ask.”
I'll never become angry.
The best way of defeating anger is to pause, stop, reflect, refrain, count to ten, and breathe deeply. If necessary, leave the room, go for a walk, meditate, or vent your toxic feelings alone. It is said that about one of the Rebbes of Lubavitch(LAW) that whenever he felt angry, he would take down the Shulchan Arukh(Book of LAW) to see whether anger was permitted under the circumstances. By the time he had finished studying, his anger had disappeared.
The verdict of Anger is simple: Either we defeat anger or anger will defeat us.
Comments
Post a Comment